What follows are a couple different but connected, but certainly not totally cohesive or polished thoughts.

Thought #1:

Shame. Fear. Low self-esteem. Anxiety. What are the differences between all of these things? How do they affect individuals and groups? What are their causes and remedies?

I would wager that some of us all too often chalk shame, fear, low self-esteem, and anxiety up to a set of things that are "wrong" or "disordered" or the "effect of sin" but perhaps we don't know much more than that so we tend to not focus on them too much. Not that we each need to be licensed psychologists or social workers (though I plan on being one!), or that we should focus on these things more than on the Lord, on fixing our eyes on Him, but as I'm learning, as could be gleaned from my reading The Emotionally Healthy Church and since becoming interested in Social Work as a field, if we want to understand how social systems work and how relationships thrive and how community life flourishes, it is important to understand the things that break them down because such understanding is a vital part of moving toward overcoming them, with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Thought #2:

When does shame first appear in the world? Fear? I've been meditating a lot on Genesis 1-2.

They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" He said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.

Why does the Lord seek after Adam in the garden? Because God loves Adam. While I'm tempted to think of God here as storming after Adam, upset and ready to judge him on the spot with emotional harshness, what I see now is a God who wants to repair the relationship, the God of the Parable of the Prodigal Son. It is Adam who moves away from God not God from Adam. I've also been studying the differences both in action and heart motivation between fear and love, and in God's pursuit of Adam here in Genesis, I see the character of our God, steadfast in love. Love is signified by a "moving towards" rather than "moving away," I've been learning. As a result of original sin, our inherent desire to move toward has been fractured but not removed.

Moving toward, connection to others, building relationships, creating community: we have been hardwired to do these things--it's true that they're in our God-given nature. Additionally, I believe they also bring healing and are a weapon against Satan.

Thought #2.5

I'm starting a book called I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame by Brene Brown. In the Introduction she says, "I have found that the most effective way to overcome these feelings of inadequacy is to share our experiences. Of course, in this culture, telling our stories takes courage." She's talking about sharing testimonies, building community, connecting to others.

In the Introduction, she differentiates "shame" and "self-esteem."

Shame and self-esteem are very different issues. We feel shame. We think self-esteem. Our self-esteem is based on how we see ourselves--our strengths and limitations--over time. It is how and what we think of ourselves. Shame is an emotion. It is how we feel when we have certain experiences. When we are in shame, we don't see the big picture; we don't accurately think about our strengths and limitations. We just feel alone, exposed and deeply flawed....[we] lose...sense of context.

I think about Adam in that garden. Clearly, he lost sight of the "big picture"--He was in paradise! and beloved by God, and yet, according to Brown, shame not low self-esteem motivated Adam to hide from the his loving Father. What we think is different than how we feel, and both are important and valuable. Our relationship with God is about the knowing but it's also about the feeling. Adam and God both "knew" that God was right and Adam in the wrong. But if that reality had been important enough, the the Lord wouldn't have gone after Adam. God's mercy is more than fact; it is experience, because we are human--heart and flesh, thinkers and feelers. Think of it this way: there is a difference between being on a deserted island by yourself, knowing that there are roughly seven billion people in the world and being on that island with just one other person.

Okay, I know I am getting rambly, so I'll cut myself off. Look for further thoughts on Brown's book. So far, it is fabulous.