For the past 8 years that I have lived in Ann Arbor, I have worshiped at the same church for 7 of them. Of those 7 years, I have encountered the same individual sitting inside or near the church. One year, this individual sat in-front of my house, on the sidewalk, for the whole year. I saw him every day and felt he did not want me to talk to him or be near him, though he is the one who sat in-front of my house daily. Often "God bless him" floated across my lips, muttered as I, feeling helpless other than through offering up my prayers, rushed to class.
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Today, I slipped inside the church to pray, and, as usual, my Friend was there. I asked him: "Can I help you? Do you need anything?" And the individual calmly responded: "Why do you think I need help? What made you think I am in-need?"
What I wanted to say was, well, we all are in-need. I have the same fundamental need for Jesus Christ that you have, sir. I wanted to pray with him, right then and there. I wanted to invite him to give his life to Jesus if he had not yet done so...the bittersweet reality of sitting just outside the sanctuary of the Lord yet perhaps not knowing him - that had been on my mind for this man for the past several years. The man was clearly in-need I thought - but I felt I wanted to, needed to, give him space. Six years later, and I still felt compelled to give him space. It was and is where he is at. But - and I think it was the Lord - I instead said, "Well, I see you here...and I've seen you here, often, for awhile...I was just wondering if there was anything I could do for you, to help you...I am sorry that I assumed that you needed any assistance from me..."
But this makes me think of my own condition. I am a sinner - I am right there with my Friend. I often sit just outside, on His doorstep, and I say, No, I'm fine with being just "this" close to you. I'm comfortable with just this much help from you, and I actually just want the help you offer when and how I want it. Often, I tell the Lord, No, I'm fine. What makes you think I need anything or need your help? Thanks anyways. And then, like the rich young man, I am sad. Like the older son, I am bitter.
But even then, it is okay, because the Lord waits for me! He won't force me to give my life to him; his love compels me to chose for it though. He is gentle, and he waits, unlike I, who can be so impatient. Today, He held my tongue by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, and He taught me something about His ways - that He invites in freedom.
This Advent I am reminded that the Lord even went to the trouble of becoming a man so that he could draw near to me and meet me where I am. He has waited much longer than 6 years to bring me into his home, and he would wait much longer.
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